Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My Dad And The Sex Talk

May 30th was my Dad's 52nd Birthday. In his honor, I decided to post a short article I wrote for a family magazine in Panama City, FL.

My Dad and the Sex Talk

I remember the first time my Dad really talked to me about sex. Actually, I need to back up a bit before we get to that. When I was in my pre-teenage years, it was becoming popular for guys to wear earrings. I was never actually interested in getting one, but one day, Dad surprised me by saying, “You know, Adam, you can get an earring if you want to.” Knowing how much he didn’t like this particular fad, I was stunned, until (with a wink) he continued. “…you’ll have to carry your ear in your pocket, but you can certainly get one.” We had a good laugh about it, and then were able to talk about the reasons why he felt the way he did on the subject.

Some time later, Dad and I were riding together in the car. It was just the two of us, and he looked over and said, “Well, I guess we should have the ‘sex talk’.” My cheeks burned. My eyes locked on my shoes. At that moment I wanted to be anywhere in the world except for in that car. Then, Dad said, “Remember what I said about the earring? Same rule.” We both burst into laughter. The tension was broken and we were able to talk.

My Dad didn’t spend much time on mechanics. Instead, he talked about the life he wanted me to have. He shared his vision for the kind of marriage he wanted me to enjoy. He talked about the kind of husband and father he wanted me to be. He made sure I understood that if I wound up making a poor decision in this area, there would be forgiveness, but there would also be real life consequences, responsibilities and difficult decisions that came with it. My Dad broached this difficult and intimidating subject by breaking the tension and casting a vision for my future. In many ways, most of the decisions I made in this area were based on a desire to become the man my Dad believed I could be.



Matt Elliott said...

Your dad, my friend, is one good guy. Can't imagine what my high school and college years would have been like without getting to spend summers with people like your dad, Russ King, Hoyt Nelson, Phillip Presley, and so many others.

Michele said...


Your Dad sounds like a wise man. The very fact he didn't spend much time on mechanics, but rather a vision for our future is very telling.

As a mother about to venture into this area of discussion more deeply, your post couldn't be more timely.


Jamie Arpin-Ricci said...

My folks sat me down and asked me if I knew about sex. I said yes. They smiled and asked what I thought it was. I explained it with shocking clarity. Neither I nor they know where I learned it. Spooky...

Jamie Arpin-Ricci